Fan Mail
Here is some fan mail I've gotten over the years of training to be an American Gladiator:
Dear Fury,
I saw you the other day training at the track, and I must say...you are a born athlete. It wasn't until that old guy lapped you for the third time that I saw "fury" like I have never seen it before. The lightning-speed sprinting and true superhuman strength it took for you to catch up to him, tackle him and shove grass down his shirt shows me you really have what it takes to be the next American Gladiator. Until then, I'll be watching (out) for you.
Fury-
You've never met me, but I used to see you all the time at H-E-B...you with your red polo shirt and name tag that says "Jon Z." It's almost convincing that you're a normal person. And when your boss yelled at you the other day for not sweeping up the spilled cat food, and you were crying and pleading on your knees to keep your job, I noted your resilient attitude and will to win. Even when the store called the police because you refused to leave, and you started yelling obscenities, I saw how you kept your dignity by not hurting anybody when the cops took you down. That's what winners are made of. You're and inspiration.
"Fury,"
Dude, you forgot to let the dogs out this morning. Now the apartment smells. Thanks.
Fury,
Hi, I'm an American Gladiators enthusiast like you, and I just want to say, I don't think I've ever felt more proud to be an American than when I was looking over your website. After wiping away my tears, I've decided to devote all my time and resources to helping you achieve your dream. I've developed a five-point plan that I think could vault you to success beyond your wildest imagination. I don't want to give away all five points here, but let's just say it includes consulting a fifth grader named Zeus, a "shandoo-candoo" stick, and funding your career path by calling 1-800-CASH-ME-1. What's in it for me, you ask? Nothing more than knowing I contributed to the most important cause in the history of human civilization. That, plus 75% of your gross earnings is more than enough reward for me. Let me know if you're interested in my services. I will literally be staring at the phone until you call.
I saw you the other day training at the track, and I must say...you are a born athlete. It wasn't until that old guy lapped you for the third time that I saw "fury" like I have never seen it before. The lightning-speed sprinting and true superhuman strength it took for you to catch up to him, tackle him and shove grass down his shirt shows me you really have what it takes to be the next American Gladiator. Until then, I'll be watching (out) for you.
-Matt V.
Fury-
You've never met me, but I used to see you all the time at H-E-B...you with your red polo shirt and name tag that says "Jon Z." It's almost convincing that you're a normal person. And when your boss yelled at you the other day for not sweeping up the spilled cat food, and you were crying and pleading on your knees to keep your job, I noted your resilient attitude and will to win. Even when the store called the police because you refused to leave, and you started yelling obscenities, I saw how you kept your dignity by not hurting anybody when the cops took you down. That's what winners are made of. You're and inspiration.
-Danny C.
"Fury,"
Dude, you forgot to let the dogs out this morning. Now the apartment smells. Thanks.
Kyle
Fury,
Hi, I'm an American Gladiators enthusiast like you, and I just want to say, I don't think I've ever felt more proud to be an American than when I was looking over your website. After wiping away my tears, I've decided to devote all my time and resources to helping you achieve your dream. I've developed a five-point plan that I think could vault you to success beyond your wildest imagination. I don't want to give away all five points here, but let's just say it includes consulting a fifth grader named Zeus, a "shandoo-candoo" stick, and funding your career path by calling 1-800-CASH-ME-1. What's in it for me, you ask? Nothing more than knowing I contributed to the most important cause in the history of human civilization. That, plus 75% of your gross earnings is more than enough reward for me. Let me know if you're interested in my services. I will literally be staring at the phone until you call.
Your #1 fan, Jiggy (of Jiggy's Theater)
You can also send me your own fan mail via the World Wide Web by e-mailing me at jonzmikly@gmail.com